I don’t remember faces and my memories appear as “scenes” about situations and people. For the people in these scenes, they appear as concepts emitting good or bad energy and emotions rather than appearing as they physically did. Instead of remembering the physical attributes of a person, I will vividly remember how the person in question made me feel throughout their time in my life.
Earlier today while I was in the car with my brother driving, an impatient and power-tripping security guard tried to threaten my brother by impersonating a police officer. Haha.
In an unrelated situation, if people don’t like waking up early, then they should take the initiative to base their daily life around a schedule that makes them comfortable.
I’m so disgusted right now…
In Portland, Oregon, US, a mother’s three-DAY-old baby was taken from her at the hospital by the Department of Human Services just because that mother has mild autism. This is blatant oppression. She needs her child back. I’m so done with how we’re treated just because we have a brain that functions differently. We need change. And fast.
My last video was disorganized as well as over an hour long, so I filmed another video that condenses my point of how masking can be mentally damaging to me as an autistic person.
After spending nearly all of my 20s in consistent states of dissociation, loneliness, and depression coupled with extreme social anxiety, rage, and confusion,
I’ve decided that I will no longer be wearing my masks.
I’ve decided that I will no longer “program” my own mind for others’ convenience.
I’ve decided that I will no longer attend or associate myself with doctors, therapists, or group sessions that focus on merely strengthening my masks that inevitably perpetuate my autistic symptoms.
I’ve decided that I will do what I can to strengthen my true self.
I’ve decided that I cannot “be” Mike.
I’ve decided that I am Mike.
Peace and love to everyone.
The article in question:
We are NOT broken, we just need acceptance. We all need different accommodations, so this includes low-functioning autistic people as well.
To me, autism feels like a difference in the methodology in which I communicate my thoughts via ego. Autism is currently a “medical condition” only because diagnosis is based on a neurotypical perspective within an arbitrary “social system”, completely dismissing my neurodiverse perspective. In reality, my social skills rest outside of this conceptualized social system, rendering myself useless within the neurotypical world.
Now, the severity of autism depends on the autistic person’s ability to “mask” that difference. When I mask, it involves me closely observing and analyzing a given social environment. I then apply the observed social rules to the mask. Because this “mask” isn’t me, I never feel like I’m speaking as myself. If I couldn’t mask, I’d appear low-functioning.
In conclusion, autism seems to only be a medical condition due society’s willful ignorance of other social perspectives.
Who deals with #alexithymia? I suspect I may have it as a comorbid symptom of ASD. Please message. Let’s get on discord if possible. I need to have a conversation about this ASAP. I’m alone and I don’t feel comfortable one bit.
Freud made the analogy of the id being a horse while the ego is the rider. The ego is ‘like a man on horseback, who has to hold in and check the superior strength of the horse.’
(Freud, 1923, p.15)
I have given myself credit for putting in the work towards self-improvement, new ideas, and practicing those ideas, but realizing spirituality is something that I’ve struggled and continue to struggle with. It’s there and it’s waiting. It’s always been. I feel it. I’ve tried different religions. I’ve tried to talk to different gods. I’ve tried to meditate. Nothing. These concepts are unfathomable to me. I think my mind is too logical. It’s a curse. It knows of itself. Despite struggle, spiritual enlightenment is possible in every human being.
Anyway, the superficial concepts of religions and gods just don’t seem to work with my mind, so I mean no offense. What has worked is observation of the praxis, or process in which another person manifests this invisible force that is human spirit. Praxis of the human spirit can be observed to conclude that humanity is one, thus achieving real enlightenment.
Before I continue this discussion, I must clarify my own spiritual beliefs. I believe that I, Mike, can indeed be a manifestation of this spiritual oneness via Sigmund Freud’s structural model of the psyche: Superego, id, and ego.
These concepts are defined as:
1) Superego, which dictates morality.
2) Id, which are pleasure-seeking human instincts or desires that are inconsiderate of said morality.
3) Ego, which satisfies id’s instincts or desires, using moral feedback from superego.
With those definitions in place, I, temporarily suppressing ego, have found spirituality within other souls via the praxis of a given soul’s superego, using ego as a vessel. In simpler terms, I observe, without bias, the methodology in which a person tells the world that they are a human being underneath all superficial sociological appearance.
Praxis of human spirit can be observed through art, such as a musician’s music and lyrics for example. I then apply my own unique praxis of the one human spirit to my own superego, using my own ego as a vessel. Music and lyrics are my praxis. Logical philosophy is my praxis. This is where I am at in my spiritual journey at a physical age of 28 years old.
The point of this post is to offer light in neurodiverse minds. This light I’m speaking of, is the fact that the spiritual goals achieved by following a given religion and talking to a given god can also be achieved via observation of and application of praxis. You don’t need an external entity to achieve enlightenment because…
You are your own religion.
You are your own god.
Peace and love be with you all.
Uhhh. I need someone who naturally understands non-verbal cues and meanings to comment, because I possibly have an epiphany. Again.
So I always thought that when people say stuff like “I got through so-and-so and so can you”, it means that they care, but they just don’t know what to say. That’s true right? I hope so…
But here’s the possible epiphany, and I’m being 100% serious with this question: Do people actually say that sarcastically??? For example, can people also use that phrase to belittle my situation? Is that why I sometimes get a general feeling of anxiety when that phrase is said? Because thinking about the past now, I’m realizing that this specific feeling of anxiety may very well happen because I’m not able to immediately sense rude sarcasm in people I don’t know well.
I share my personal life with everyone because I don’t believe in being a different person in different social situations, but now I’m wondering how many people were desperately trying to upset me hahaha.
Throughout my 20s, I’ve learned to channel that negative feeling into positivity. If this all proves to be true, my ability to exist outside of human social algorithms is 100% a superpower.
What if “heaven” is whatever we dream about?
Or whatever we’re passionate about?
And what if “hell” is a lack of such passion?
These questions beg the ultimate question:
What if “heaven” is the subconscious mind convincing the conscious mind that instead of dying, it is only going to sleep to dream?
(Photo credits: Enter The Void | Fidélité Productions and Wild Bunch Distribution)
I know this sounds like crazy pseudo-science, because it kind of is haha. No but seriously the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Science has not advanced enough to discover exactly what consciousness is, so we’ll have to rely on an assumption in this theory: Let’s assume that the conscious and subconscious minds operate via electrical impulses, just as the rest of our neurological system does. If this is true, one of the laws of physics states that energy cannot be created, nor destroyed. So where does the energy from consciousness/subconsciousness get discharged to? With my assumption, consciousness must go somewhere. But where?
My best guess is that once I physically die, my conscious mind dies as well and is unaware of its own death. Additionally, the “self” contained within my subconscious mind will exist for eternity. In other words, due to the assumed application of the law of conservation of energy, who I projected into the physical world as myself will die and the energy used to project myself will be “absorbed” into my subconscious mind with my true self and spirit, sealed away beyond the end of time.
Now when I finally fall asleep at night, I am unaware of it. Unless I dream, it seems like I just go to sleep and wake up. Aside from dreams and nightmares, when I am asleep, there is literally no way for my conscious mind to differentiate whether it is asleep or awake. Though this “theory” may be a manifestation of my ego’s wish for eternal life, what if the conscious mind also fails to differentiate whether it is falling asleep or dying?
Needless to say, I am incredibly envious of the future generation of humans who will inevitably solve this mystery.
This “theory” was inspired by this article. It’s about the human brain being aware of its own death after “official death”: https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/7819011/die-know-youre-dead-brain-working-after-death/