The workplace condition requires acceptance of neurodivergent conditions

I am in shock at being employed without having shutdowns and emotional flashbacks before, during, and after shifts. I’m 32 and I’ve never experienced a good shift at any job until this one. I had to be drugged out of my mind to deal with previous employers. But I feel this one is different because they’re unionized. It seriously makes a difference because non-managerial employees have representation as a collective, as opposed to management being the only collective.

All my previous employers involved me masking myself to social perfection for interviews, and then pretending I’m someone I’m not throughout my employment.

I cannot emphasize the relief I feel right now. It’s been so normal for me to HATE going to work. But I need to be able to work to stay alive lol. Living seems preferable over the alternative. And I’m providing an important service to society,

There’s one supervisor working with me and the rest leave me alone. Everything is civil though. I just need individualized management and understanding when required. And he doesn’t micromanage. That is a huge problem I’ve had at previous employers. I can do almost any job. Let me know when the job isn’t getting done and the information required to get the job done. I’m that simple.

This supervisor cares and I’m pretty sure he has some type of neurodivergency. And throughout my employment he actually took the time the study and learn about autism, and he has experience interacting with people with neurodivergent conditions already. I think that’s the key with employing autistic people: We need whoever is interacting us to be able to listen, understand, and acknowledge us to the core. We just need acceptance.

Art is not dead

People upset at AI Art algorithms “stealing” their art should channel that emotion to how law allows people to capitalize on someone else’s labor.

No one can logically steal ownership of art directly. The original artist can always prove ownership with drafts and source files and whatnot. And people will rush to make original artists known. We can observe this in conversation where people bicker about what’s original and what’s not in all forms of media in general.

The problem is the logistics of capitalism. Artistic creations used for capitalization become a product for sale, and by uploading them on corporately-owned internet sites, artists are agreeing to terms of service that allow third-parties to scrape social media data for any purpose. Multiple business parties symbiotically capitalize on this process.

Additionally, creating AI algorithms can be considered an art itself, but that’s not to say that the algorithm programmers are entitled to capitalization on artistic creations.

The AI art discourse is not about people stealing art, it’s about corporate entities stealing labor value from those who exert the labor of creating art.


I feel like a renewed person. It’s a good thing, but it’s been a mentally anguishing process. Being alone has enlightened myself as a person who use has no sense of personality amongst other people and whose primary goal is socializing was to be accepted while neglecting myself.

I feel unknown from putting on a complete social act in person, subconsciously prior to my realization of autism in 2016, and CPTSD in 2020. But I’ve been becoming a “new person” since then and I feel like who I was does not exist anymore. I hated that person though. I hated myself because eventually, everyone else took the place of my sense of self in my mind. And it broke me.

Who I use to be in my mid twenties and younger was an overly friendly “nice guy”. It was my entire personality and it’s difficult to admit that because it involves deep connection to Ego.

I’m amounting the development of this false “personality” to fawning caused by trauma as well as experiences of peer rejection as an undiagnosed autistic child and subconsciously trying to fit in, progressively overly criticizing myself throughout every carefully analyzed social interaction, trying to become a distorted version of myself depending on the who, what, where, when, why, and how of social interactions.

And I did this on the basis of being accepted with very little regard to what I both realistically need and desire, in all facets of life. I just wanted to be accepted, but I’ve learned that true acceptance starts from within, and then acceptance from other people will follow.

My living will

I really don’t want to post this because of the nature of it, but this society and what humans do in it can be hateful and cruel. I’m currently doing okay but just in case, my living will is:

All of my possessions and money goes to my parents and brothers to be dealt with however they collectively wish. However, nothing is to be sold nor traded. And if I become unalive while having a lack of proper shelter, make sure the truth is told about how I have been unable to afford a place to live and that my employer has me on unpaid leave due to no fault of my own. Share my posts everywhere. Do not let some bullshit spread about how I should have looked for more mental health help or that I should have did this or did that or that I should have tried harder. In general, do not ever let any truth be suppressed.

Truth and goodness and love for everyone and each other is all I want in the world, but it’d be nice to see it happen before I go.

This has to be the most difficult thought I’ve ever formed into words.


I’ve been mostly isolated from other people since September, and how much I was still masking autistic traits around some people is really solidifying in my psyche.

I don’t have to mask around everyone, but there are people who I’ve altered my existence for just because I felt like I had to in order to be respected and loved, including some family members and especially distant relatives.

Each of these people can think of “Mike”, but it’s a different version of myself for each of them. I just wish they’d acknowledge this when I try to express it, because those “alter egos” don’t exist anymore. So basically, I’ve had a different identity for each of the aforementioned people.

And that leads to why I thought I had a dissociative identity disorder: I still dissociate because CPTSD, but tbh I’m starting to feel like the long-term dissociation I felt was actually just me detaching myself from these fading personalized identities. And being isolated has been the catalyst to feeling like myself again.

Also, I wanna emphasize how much I appreciate those who have allowed me to unmask around them. It shows me that you actually care and love me for who I am instead of attaching yourself to mirror of your own behavior. Love yall 🖤

My current situation. Read from the bottom up. I will keep updating.

Update @ 1006-113022:
I’m still waiting to be allowed to work. I’ve been earning money by delivering food, so I’ve been able to keep afloat. Thank you to those who have been following this post.


Update @ 1023-110422:
Just got two tires changed! Still waiting on my employer to put me back on the schedule. They’re playing bureaucratic games with me, but it’s all good. Everything is documented if they don’t let me work


Update @ 1012-110222:
My EBT food card is loaded up! At first I only got $13 but now I have over $200. Another huge relief.


Update @ 1415-110122:
The auto insurance company I use is allowing a 3-week extension on paying the balance o owe. They were gonna cancel the policy on 11/4, but I told them my situation and the supervisor empathized. After today, I’ll have enough money to get my tires replaced. Huge relief.


Update @ 1214-102922:
I desperately need donations. Please donate.
Cashapp: $pickupthemike
Venmo: @iamthemike


Update @ 1331-102722:
My therapist and I have concluded that I was in fact injured at work because I thought I had to work faster than required. I increased my work speed beyond my limits because I was being reprimanded via verbal abuse for not reaching a quota, a quota that isn’t even in the work contract.

As far as accomodations for autism and cptsd go, my therapist has stated that the paperwork disregards the mental health aspect of disability.

Basically, the paperwork lacks language that acknowledges mental health needs. He will be presenting the paperwork to his supervisor for guidance.

Also, I was talking to a guy at a gas station, and he said that I can apply for unemployment benefits for lost income due to being placed on leave without pay. I will approach the union about back-pay before I do that though.


Update @ 1724-102622:

I pretty much need all 4 tires replaced ASAP. My student loans on my credit report are preventing me from getting a credit card or loan. And my phone bill is due on 31st ($55). And I only have $13 for EBT for Oct. And the card they gave me isn’t working. And I still owe my insurance $360.

Please consider donating but do not feel obligated or guilty because you can’t. If you can’t afford, you can’t afford. No need to explain. And no need to explain how bad you feel that you can’t donate. I completely understand.

Cashapp: $pickupthemike


Update @ 1216-102522:
My orthopedic doctor has documented that I’m able to return to work without physical restrictions. The prognosis: I pushed my body too hard because I was being yelled at with threat of termination to encourage me to reach a “quota”, a quota that isn’t even in the employment contract.

Later this week, I have an appointment with my therapist to start filling out the forms for ADA accommodation regarding autism and C-PTSD.


Update @ 1057-102322:
The negative: I have two upcoming doctor’s appointments where they’ll fill out forms for ADA (disability) accommodation at my primary job, which is significant progress for me, but…

It’s possible that I won’t be able to be accommodated. If that’s the case, a protest will happen. I will update this post with more information as time moves on.

The positive:
I should be able to pay this month’s bills by November.


Update @ 1609-101822:
Battery is replaced. So thankful. Until next personal financial crisis! Lol. Yeah waking up to a dead battery was the scare I needed. Now I can go back to cosplaying as a customer for a little bit so I can get money for the gear I need lol.


Update @ 1157-101822:
I recently woke up from sleeping for like 5 hours with my van running so the battery wouldn’t die because I can’t risk the battery completely going out because I need it to work while I wait to meet up for the battery because I have very little money and I have no other guaranteed way to earn it until I’m ready to entertain for tips which will definitely be soon because things are getting desperate with receiving accomodations which is also why I can’t just “get another job”, which I’ve tried many, many, many, many, many, many, many times.


Update @ 2225-101722:
On a break. I just filled up my tank, but unfortunately I have to wait until the morning for a battery because of financial technicalities. I’m gonna continue working through the night as usual (I’m primarily awake during night hours due to sensory needs).

It’s been storming heavily. And I’m thankful because people are more likely to place orders.

My current battery hasn’t failed me since earlier and I have 24/7 free roadside assistance under my insurance policy. So I’m not too worried at this point.

I think I’ll be okay, I’m just full of anxiety, feeling hyper-vigilant, and hyper-focused. And I’m experiencing mutism. But I have AAC (Augmented & Alternative Communication) devices (smartphone and doodle pad) in case I do need to conversate, so it’s all good.


Update @ 2112-101722:
I’m still trying to make enough money to get enough gas in order to make it to where I need to go.


Update 4:
Yeah I’m just gonna continuously update this post anytime I think I’m not gonna able to earn money. I’m gonna be livestreaming music improv soon in exchange for donations, so I have that going for me. I still haven’t received accomodations at my main job yet, so when push comes to a shove into the abyss, I gotta do what I gotta do.


Update 3:
Battery tested bad and needs replacement, but my van still runs, so I can work dinner rush. I just can’t leave it off for an extended period. I got an offer from a family member to do some tasks for them in exchange for buying me a replacement. Getting a new one later tonight.

Also, let’s normalize mutual aid and make productive use out of social media rather than post about our triumphs and successes. That’s getting boring.

Post about your struggles! I’ve been doing it for years. Let go of the pride and shame. We must express real life struggle and stop gaslighting ourselves.


Update 2:
Overwhelmed af rn. Van is running. Currently letting battery charge (no pun intended lol). I’m gonna go to a part shop once I decompress to get the battery tested.


Update 1:
So I’m getting my battery jumped in the next 30 minutes. I’ll post an update when that happens.


Original post:
I might need to ask for donations for a new car battery just a heads up everyone.

The “What’s On Your Mind?” Dilemma

Does anyone else remember facebook from like 2009 and earlier? If you do, do you remember when some people were posting in third-person? I know I did for a bit.

For example, a typical post would read:

[User]  | is feeling [emotion] and [verbing] at [location].

I have posts like that in my archives way back from around 2009 when I first started using Facebook. I remember typing them out like that as well as other people doing the same.

But at some point, many of us began to take the “What On Your Mind?” prompt quite literally. I know I did. For those unaware, a person’s posts on this site were originally meant for literal life status updates, not one’s candid thoughts. That’s what anonymous blog sites were for.

The dilemma arises when we look at the way we communicate in person, versus the way we communicate in writing, now typing.

When we communicate in person, we can observe the nonverbal aspect of socializing.

But when we communicate via text, the nonverbal aspect is almost completely stripped away, leaving emojis and symbols to be the only unspoken signifiers.

This is problematic, because people are reading the thoughts of other people in their own internal processes, but lack the ability to accurately interpret meaning.

What is the solution?

The only way I feel this dilemma can be remedied is that humanity collectively learns to be more clear in what they communicate through text.

We all live in a time period where nearly everyone has access to ways to instantaneously interact with each other through text from anywhere in the world. The human brains before our time had not adapted to this genuinely amazing accomplishment.

Before us, people only passed notes to each other at the smallest degree, and sent letters in the largest. But even then, clarification was given and recieved because people weren’t just writing a few words and expecting it to come across as a complete and clear thought.

My therapist is recommending I get screened for Dissociative Identity Disorder soon. Waiting on a callback. The condition’s defining trait is the development of multiple personalities. So this could explain why I feel like a different version of myself when interacting with individual people.

Autism, C-PTSD, and Dissociative Identity Disorder…

It actually makes sense given how the conditions intertwine: Being autistic helps me mask C-PTSD well, but the traumatic symptoms can still cause dissociation when my ability to mask is exhausted.

And when trauma symptoms are masked too often without a chance for me to recover from the emotional labor of pretending I’m okay, acute dissociation can develop into debilitating dissociative condition.